Lonely Roads

I am stuck at a point, I can't see where I came from neither where I am supposed to go. I want to beg for your help but I can't tell you that I need you. I don't wish to be a needy woman therefore I let you go on, but I die a little inside every time I let you go. We are slipping so far away and I don’t know why I feel the way I do.

I love you loads but how can I show it to you? How can I let you know that you mean the most in my life? I don’t know. I have never been this attached to anyone or anything in my whole life. I need to let you know I can’t be without you before you say good bye forever. Somehow I can’t put my thoughts into action. I will love you no matter what. You have been my star in the dark. We don’t always get along but I wish for us to be a life where we will be together.

You have been so much to me but I don’t deserve to be happy. I know that because I haven’t been to others. The only thing I have been is mean. I can’t care about people not that I don’t want to but only because I am never quite sure how to. In a few days you’d probably be gone to never return. I want to tell you that I do want to fix this, that I don’t want you gone, that I cannot continue this bleak existence without you but it would scare you away.

You should look away and continue your life; your life will always be worth more than mine. Everyone’s life is more than mine. The only reason I continue to breathe every day is for you and because of you. You can’t teach me to crawl but I can imagine I can learn to fly some day. My head isn’t going right or left. It’s stuck in one place looking at memoirs of what I have been.

“You’ll never be loved”... “You are better off dead” that’s what my life has been until you came. You awakened the child in me. I don’t want you to go because I am selfish. I don’t want you gone because you are the part of me that I need but lately I’ve realized that you deserve someone better than me, someone who’d love you and care for you like you deserve unlike what I do. This has been the most painful thing that I’ve written because I realize the truth now.